| Wow |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|07:29 pm] |
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Look at the fancy new LJ look. I'm gonna have to start all over again on how to use the blessed thing. Good news is I'm back anyway. It took posting the video of Kiera to get me back. It just blows my mind on how fast these kids are growing up. I can't wait to see them. I'm leaving on the 22nd to go to sunny California. There's nothing better than seeing little kids at Christmas. |
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| Kiera |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|07:24 pm] |
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| I'm just glad I don't live in a Trailer |
[Apr. 12th, 2006|09:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Mixed up, crazy kid | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Joan Armatrading-Love and Affection | ] |
Name that tune! That was such a cool show, who remembers, Name that Tune? I can name that tune in 3 bars or less! Really, that's incredible...it takes me at least six. So, no one commented on my last entry regarding music, I'm sure it's due several factors, the least of which being that I'm a slack ass on the old lj.
Did I mention that Jo came here for vacation? Yep, for almost a whole week and it was like a seesaw of relief and awkwardness. It was great to have her here doing a bunch of stuff that I haven't had time or motivation to do but on the other hand it was strained having someone in my living space that required 95% of my attention without any of that attention expressed in a sexual manner. I'm not at all sure what she gained out of it other than nice weather and the wining and dining that I provided because she did the lawn for me which was WAY over due. I enjoyed the dinner out, you know, a friendship type of dinner, that was nice. Sigh...I feel like I'm living in limbo.
Other things I may not have mentioned, Libby and I broke up for two weeks, I think I mentioned that but I didn't mention that we went to California together for Kiera's birthday and pretty much ended up nullifying the break up. I just can't get serious. That wouldn't be all that difficult except for the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with her and my family LOVES her. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone half the time because my parents are not behaving like normal. Mom sent her LOVE to Libby the other day...ah...uh..what? I wanted to say, who in the hell are you and what have you done with my mother? My dad sent a check for Easter that had in the memo field, dinner for TWO with wine...ah, what? It's so weird. But wonderful and tragic at the same time. I wonder if I'm getting piecemeal peace as some sort of lesson. Because in the meantime, I can't even meet her family. I feel like Donald Duck trying to set up the folding chairs for his picnic with Daisy, he gets the one side fixed for two seconds and then the other side comes undone.
But I'm still glad I don't live in a trailer, especially in Florida. Hurricane season is a comin'.
(The song is Son of A Sailor by Jimmy Buffet) |
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| Music - A long and winding road |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|05:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Wondering how did i get here | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Roxy Music - Turn You On | ] |
Blast, I can't believe almost a month has gone by since I've written. I have no handle on time management. I just manage to have not enough. Work is still intense and will remain so for another several months. The new updates...I got a new computer, woohoo! Dude, I got a Dell. I was planning on using my tax return to get it but I wanted more than the basic 400 hundred dollar computer and I wasn't keen on spending half of my tax return on a computer. My brother had just gotten a Dell. I looked on the website and you can 'build' your own computer and they had a special; no interest for 18 months on their new model. I figured I wouldn't get approved but I went for it anyway and they approved me! I got the computer I wanted with a whole bunch of extra stuff, like more memory, a free monitor and free shipping. I just pay around 75 bucks a month and I'll have it paid off with no interest. I love no interest! That allowed me to have a wireless keyboard and mouse, Microsoft Office and Windows XP. I had been in the stone ages with Windows 98 and my old computer was crawling with little buggies. The new one is wonderful and it allowed me to buy a new iPod with my tax return, woohoo! I've spent the last 5 days putting all my cd's on iTunes and on my iPod. So far I've put on the cd's that I consider my core music, those you can put the entire cd on and not just select songs. The select songs are next and I've purchased a few songs, okay more than a few, from the iTunes music store. I can tell I'm going to have to watch myself there, way too easy to buy a ton of songs and spend more money than you realize.
What's weird is how many technological changes music has been through since I've started listening to it. From the first am/fm alarm clock I had when I was ten to an iPod, whoa. Luckily, I missed the entire 8 track fiasco but I do own albums, they're in my garage right now. I'm hanging on to them until I'm at least sixty, I figure by then, they will be a real rarity. Cause, I gotta tell ya, cd's are heading that way as well. Almost everyone I know has an iPod and it's so perfect how you can get the songs you want. Back in the day, we used to have to blow the entire 12-14 bucks for the whole album when you only really liked two or three songs on it. I have a huge stack of cd's to attest to that fact.
To create mixes back in the day, took a serious investment of your time, getting the songs to fit just right, having to take the albums on and off the turntable, using your best itty bitty writing to list the songs on the cassette cover, it was a true labor of love. Now, you can make a playlist in about 5 minutes by dragging songs into a file. When I think about how much music I've bought, sold, borrowed, lost and had stolen over my lifetime, it's staggering. I wish I'd had some sort of cpu to keep every song I've ever come across, although, I will be making money for iTunes by reclaiming some of those classics, I already have. Right now, I have 3 and a half days worth of music in my library and I figure I'll be adding at least 2 and a half to 3 more days after I've gone through all my cds and my music files from my old computer.
It's quite the commitment being a music lover in my generation. I've been on board with every new technology and to think I wanted to maybe get new speakers for my 'stereo', if that's not an archaic reference, I don't know what is. The thing is, I wonder if something has been lost in the translation. There is no way you can experience the full stereo experience in an iPod plugged into a set of speakers. What will the fan look like in this new world? Will there be the fanatical, loyalty and worship of say a 'Deadhead' in the future? Will concerts be less of a part of the musical experience? Or will the concerts take place in a virtual world were you just download the podcast instead of actually attending it?
I think I take the old school line on 'stealing music', which we did in the old days, it just wasn't as user friendly as it is today. But I think our generation should get a free pass on that, I mean how many times have we had to switch mediums and buy the same damn albums over and over again? Honestly, I haven't felt old until right now. I can manage to keep my mind in a young adult state but there is no denying the miles of music I've traveled in my lifetime. |
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| Who the Fuck are you? |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|01:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Melissa - Stay in this Moment | ] |
I'm not the sort of person to look in the mirror often. Which can be bad when I have a hat on and I have my hair sticking out like red skelton. Is that weird? I like, totally live in my head for the most part, until I see pictures of myself or see myself first thing in the morning, getting ready for work or getting ready to go out but I never check back in. Honestly, I think I live in a bubble. Like this little me bubble that doesn't have to have an identity or gender or any kind of label at all. How bizarre is that? Who in the hell am I? I think I do that because I don't fit in any kind of category. It makes it easier to be me, whatever that is. When I worked at Loehmanns in high school, which is kinda funny in itself cause it's a ladies designer clothing discount store, this woman that worked there told me I was, I can't remember the word she used but she basically said I was interesting or something like that because I was masculine but I could carry off the feminine, which I attribute completely to my mom. Libby said that I wasn't a scary lesbian, I was the middle category, the Ellen category of lesbian but not the L word category. I find it rather fascinating that I've managed this far with this freakishness. I mean it's probably a better word than that I just can't think of what it is because I don't repel anyone, if anything I can connect with just about anyone. But at the same time there isn't a place for me for the long haul, the ever after and wouldn't it just figure that I'm such a romantic and that it would matter to me? |
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| Maybe I need to Kiss the Blarney Stone |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  A bit dis-heartened | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Queen & Bowie - Under Pressure | ] |
Cause I would just really like to catch a break. Have things go my way for like 3 to 5 years. That seems like a long time but there's always something with me. I can have a good run for about 6 months to a year and then things go south. Like my roommate situation. I find the perfect roommate, life is good, I struggled through the last part of last year moneywise but at the beginning of this year it's looking good. I open a savings account and think I would be comfortable this year but my roommate leaves to move in with her boyfriend and I'm not getting any response at all from my classified ad through Disney. I don't want to expand out even further to like a general ad because I'm weirded out enough about having a stranger in my house. I have to keep the savings account for at least a year cause my bank is doing this program called keep the change. They round up the charges you make on your debit card and put it in your savings account and for the first three months the bank matches what you've put in 100% and then they match it 5%, but they don't put it in your account until the end of the year.
The other thing about the roommate thing is trying to take care of the dogs, the house and work 50-55 hours a week and try to have a social life. I feel so bad for the dogs, well at least for Max. Caesar is fine as long as he can sneek up on my bed and sleep all day. I think after Max's 3rd birthday I am going to free her of her crate. It's a little scary but we'll see. At least she'll be able to roam around, the bummer is she will be able to lick Caesar's ears all day, yuck.
Well, here's wishing that the winds of fate will start blowing gentle breezes my way soon. |
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| Another Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|07:57 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Fucking Happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Cheap Trick - Dream Police | ] |
Here it is, another day, it's funny the way they just keep coming one after another. This month is turning out so fantastic. My girlfriend breaks up with me or should I say gets me to break up with her. My roommate is moving in with her boyfriend and the only response I've gotten from my classified ad is from a guy (I said just girls) named Omar that has no idea what capitalization is. My LJ lifeline is cutting back her online time. My job that I busted my ass for the last 4 months on, decided to give me 'help' and pretty much took away my leadership role and gave me another 'role' that seems lame to me compared to what I was doing. I know I shouldn't take that as a bad thing and my bosses told me that it wasn't and that I had done an amazing job but it still kinda bugs me, you know. But it is another day, so there are only 7 left in this stupid month that I've never really liked anyway, so I rejoice! And put my happy face on.
I'm thinking about getting another tattoo. It's the Wicked logo. I figure everyone is so caught up in labels and keeping up appearances that I should let anyone that gets close to me know up front that I am Wicked. They can proceed at their own risk. |
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| So, excited |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
I can't wait to be like everyone else. Got my workout schedule, got my chores for the weekend and I have my work goals to keep me going Monday through Friday. I have my family to visit and I have some volunteer work I need to sign up for. I got it all going on, not a thing missing from my life. And then, I'll meet a fabulous woman and we'll have a great time together. It's all good. Life is good. |
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| Snarky |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|02:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Not quite numb enough | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Peter Gabriel - Only Us | ] |
I must apologize for my snarkyness the other day. It's not fair to put such downer posts out there without giving anyone a clue as to what's going on. I just didn't want to hear 'I told you so'. My straight girl is having a crisis regarding her label and needs to just be friends. I know, you told me so. Damn labels, why can't love be enough? So, I'm sorry I was so dark without explaination. It'll come around, one of these fine days. It's ironic the next Mosiac Minds is Never Say Never.
Yesterday, when I went to get my 'physical therapy' which is a back rub, a really good one, the doctor gave me three injections to help my neck and shoulders to relax. It worked, last night was the first night it didn't hurt to sleep but I felt yesterday like I had been bitten by a vampire. And today, I feel like I was hit in the back with a baseball bat. There is just no avoiding the whole pain thing. |
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| The Hours |
[Feb. 17th, 2006|10:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
I think I am one of the only people in the world that really likes the movie and the book, The Hours and think I have figured out why. A friend told me that she hoped all my dreams come true and I realized that I don't have any dreams any more. I just need to try and find ways to fill the hours. Which is hard for me because I'm not like other people that think about all the things they have to do, think about other people and what they are thinking, worry about what the future is going to hold. I'm trying to think about those things and fill hours with little tasks but they just feel so empty to me. This is not a positive new development. I identify a little to well to that book/movie. |
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| Fucking, stoopid Valentines Day |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|06:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
The thing is, when I was with Jo, however much sex I didn't have, I still had someone there at all times for all special occasions. I still felt lonely but not as lonely as feel right now. I think because I had compromised myself into being okay with feeling lonely and horny but I didn't have to show that to the rest of the world. It makes no sense, I know. Maybe it's because now I'm fucking vunerable and that sucks. I really want to get back to that place where I don't need anybody for anything. You know what's really funny? I wished Jo a Happy Valentines day and she said it was sweet. It's the first time in 8 or 9 years that my sentiments haven't been returned with a cynical response. Doesn't that just figure? |
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| They call me the Seeker |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|08:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Wicked - Defying Gravity | ] |
You can spend your whole life and a lot of therapist dollars trying to figure out what it is that makes you do the things you do and then you can post a meme on your LJ and find out in a second. Searching, that's an adjective that was applied to me, it explains a lot. "I won't get to get what I'm after until the day I die." It definitely explains my dreams, shopping, what is that but searching. The question now is what am I searching for? Love? My place in this world? The most fun a person can possibly have in one lifetime? The other question is will I find it? |
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| Just call me Cyrano |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|07:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Just the songs inside my head | ] |
I've joined Match.com, mostly to help Jo, cause she signed up and I was curious. I got a few responses when I first signed on and exchanged some email but nothing clicked, even from a friendship standpoint. Apparently I should put my picture on there but I'm not ready to do that yet. Jo, however, signed up, quit and then signed up again and put a few pictures on it and she's getting some winks and emails. This one person sounded pretty cool so I answered an email for her cause she doesn't have a computer at home. I suggested a meeting right away but the other girl backed off of that, she doesn't have a picture and I'm wondering what she looks like but she's intelligent and seems down to earth. She and Jo seem to be a lot a like. It's kinda funny to give your ex tips on dating and wooing women. She definitely doesn't know how to woo, she's only ever been the woo-ee. I think I'm spelling woo wrong. I'm spelling it more like the name of a chinese restaurant. I've come to realize, whether I can spell it right or not, I know how to woo. I'm just very particular about who it is that gets my attention. And one of the things I learned was to keep the wooing up, even after many years have gone by. Quick tangent, the Rickie Lee Jones song, Saturday Afternoons in 1963 was on a tv show the other day, I couldn't believe it, one of my all time favorite songs. This line in that song just seems to sum up my life "So hold on to your special friend, here, you'll need to something to hide her in. Now you stay inside this foolish grin, when everyday now secrets end but then again, years may go by...." |
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| Wicked! |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|07:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Defying Gravity - Wicked | ] |
If you had told me that the musical Wicked could be as powerful as the book, I'd scoff. Pah! Well, my friend I am eating that scoff, because I have never in my life been so amazed and moved by a play like I was by Wicked. It was incredible! It's almost impossible to describe but I can tell you that I had goose bumps more than once because of the powerful voice of the woman that played Elphaba. I may have come close when I saw Cats but this blows that away. I want to see it again and I can definitely say that I've never said that about a play or musical. The humor helped keep it from being overly dark, but the darkness was there, the message was definitely there. Wicked is one of the top, how would call it, books that really speak to you - books, for me. I had no idea what to expect from the play, I figured they'd have to homogenize it. You would absolutely adore it, love it, be spellbound by it, lizard. I wish you could have been there. If you can get the music, get it. I know it's not the same without seeing the play but there's some really fantastic songs and one that I'd really like you to hear called For Good. Glinda and Elphaba sing it towards the end, here's a bit of lyric: "Because I knew who, who can say that I've changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have changed for Good." You gotta hear it. |
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| Reminders are good! |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|10:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | New Order - Blue Monday | ] |
The time flies by these days, I swear it was just the New Year a second ago. I always have the hardest time remembering what I did the last New Year, I don't know what that is about. This year, my friend Jen, got a free room at the Contemporary. It was pretty cool other than the dynamic of that set of friends is a bit odd. The room was fantastic, they have refurbished the resort to be actually contemporary instead of retro. It hadn't really been changed since it opened in the 70's. The coolest parts were the flat screen tv which Jen and I watched football on all evening and the fact that from the balcony you could see about 12 different firework displays at midnight. Jen and I booked a room for next year, it was that cool.
Right after that, I got a kidney infection which kicked my butt. I've never drank so much watered-down cranberry juice in my life. Since then it's been a whole lot of work, work, work. I love what I do but I hate dealing with jackasses. It's been a long time since I've had to work with a guy that's just such a complete asshole, untrustworthy and power hungry. I was spoiled. I'm getting used to dealing with him a little bit but the worst part about it is that he doesn't have to change. No one is telling him, what his "opportunities" are to improve, he's just gonna keep being involved in these projects because he's a pain in the ass. I hate that. I know I have to not worry about that and concentrate on the job I'm doing, which I am. I know that the people I report to know I am doing an excellent job, so that's good. I'm a little scared and hopeful at the same time because my one leader and mentor is going to leave the project for a new job. I'm scared because then I won't have him in my corner when he goes but I'm hopeful because in his new position, he can give me a permanent job in the IT department. We'll have to wait and see how it goes.
Other than that, I have been working out still and it's finally showing some results. My arms hurt so much right now, I can't straighten them without extreme pain. If you get your hair highlighted and it's pretty light compared to what it was and your friends don't say anything about it, do you think it looks bad? I don't know if it does or not, it's so annoying to have to deal with, I wish I could just shave my head like my brother and not have to think about it.
A couple of good books I've read, Michael Cunnigham's Speciman Days, was excellent. I think you would like it a lot. Jeanette Winterson's Lighthouse Keeping, also very good. Right now I'm reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. It has a premise that I had thought of years ago about someone falling through time at Stonehenge, but hers isn't at Stonehenge but it's another set of stone in Scotland. It's pretty good, huge and she has several others in the series, there's a lot of sex in it which I wasn't expecting.
Speaking of sex, it's going to be a year in a week since Libby and I hooked up. I can't believe it. I can't remember which Kurt Vonnegut book it was, but it was about how you keep meeting the same people in your lives, they may come in at different times and they have a different relationship with you but it's the same circle of friends, so to speak. That's also in The Years of Rice and Salt by Kim Stanley Robinson, another amazing book. I've been sold on reincarnation for a long time and my belief in it just gets stronger as I get older. This relationship really makes me think that we meet the same people and they bring different things to us at different times in our lives. There's no other way I can explain how I can relate to this young woman, 17 years younger than myself. Or how she can have such an influence on my behavior. If I had meet her 20, even 10 years ago would I have the same patience and discipline that I do now? Would I challenge my strength? Up until now I wouldn't even acknowledge that I had strength, I'd spent most of my adult life hiding and avoiding dealing with the challenges in my life. I never gave myself a chance to deal. In February, I will have only smoked once in a year. Granted, there are times when the desire to go back into hiding is very strong but most of the time, I don't miss it. |
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| Last Day in CA |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|07:30 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  It's All Good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Quiet Morning - Birds Chirping | ] |
Yesterday I was in the Kodak theater where the Oscars are held. That was pretty cool. I also saw the Hollywood sign which I've never actually seen all the times I've been to L.A. That is one thing about California it has so many places to go and things to see, I've barely made a dent in them, but I plan on trying to do more of them whenever I come to visit. We (that being Mel, my mom, Kiera, Aidan and I) went to see The Spirit of Christmas show at the Kodak theater with a bunch of Jim and Mel's neighbors. The show was incredible, all your favorite Christmas carols sung by beautiful people during old school dance numbers. The costumes were old school as well, some amazing Santa outfits on the girls, can-can costumes and some you would swear you could only see in an old Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire movie or in Vegas. And at the end it snowed in the theater while they performed White Christmas. It was completely entertaining. The kids loved it too, they were enthralled by the whole thing even though some parts were more for adults but the big man Santa was there and his funny elf Dizzy keep them interested. I had no idea what I was saying yes to when I said I would go and I was happily surprised. I fly home tonight on the red eye, yuck. But at least I got an aisle seat. It was a great holiday and I was for once happy to be here with the family and not worrying about how my life compares to my brothers, it only took me 30 something years to do it but I finally have, woohoo. |
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| Ho, ho ho! |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|05:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Tired but Happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Children Playing | ] |
It was a fantastic Christmas as usual here at the Patterson's west coast. The weather was nice but not too nice! Everyone was spoiled but the children were the most, as it should be. We are waiting now for a delicious Christmas Turkey dinner which smells wonderful. The Bears have clinched the Division and will be in the playoffs in honor of the 20th Anniversary of those amazing 85 Bears, Woohoo! It was my first year of Christmas wishes through text messaging and that's totally cool. I'm hoping to hit the hot tub later on this evening. I hope everyone enjoyed a wonderful day. I certainly did. It only comes once a year and that is my total justification for eating as much of my mom's fudge as I can possibly manage. Merry Christmas. |
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